Presbyopic Myopia
Saturday, March 01, 2003
North Korea Ready for Nukes
North Korea announced today that it is ready for nuclear war which could break out at "any moment." That's true, but the nukes would all be ours! They would have to develop a nuclear bomb before they could use one. You can't just go out and buy one of those on the street. Hey, Kim Jong Il, wake up and smell the radiation!
Friday, February 28, 2003
Rattling Your Saber Can Be Problematic
As the US tries to drum up support, one of its closest allies is complaining about too much penis...er...saber waving by our Secretary of Defense. Spain's Prime Minister Aznar "was showing signs of nervousness. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal he suggested that the US would be better able to win over opinion if it were to deploy Powell more and muzzle the more hawkish defence secretary, Donald Rumsfeld." Just put it back in your pants, Don!
We Are Not Joking
North Korea remains defiant in its stand off with the US. They denied they are using brinkmanship to blackmail money out of the US. The North Koreans say that the more we threaten and pressure the more drastic will be their measures to cope. I guess that means they'll start eating dirt instead of grass now.
We Will Disarm (Castrate) Saddam Right Now!
President Bush in an interview with USA Today says that Saddam has no intention of disarming himself, so we will do it for him. Would anyone have intentions of self-castration? I don't think so.
Thursday, February 27, 2003
We Will Crush the American Invaders with Our Song
The North Korean Communist Party in it's own official newspaper has called on its citizens to take courage during the tensions with the US by singing loudly its song "Long Life to the Military Authority." The song will strike "mortal terror" into anyone who invades the country.
We Can't Let Turkey Get All the Money!
Bulgaria has offered to allow US troops to use bases in it's territory for an attack on Iraq. They don't want to be left off of the gravy train. Everybody's looking for a handout!
Wednesday, February 26, 2003
I Was Born Here, and Here I Will Die
In an interview with Dan Rather, Saddam Hussein says no to offers of exile. He would prefer to die in Iraq that to be disgraced in exile. Sounds like he's got the Masada complex.
My Saber Is Bigger Than Your Saber!
Saddam Hussein unsheaths his saber while denying that he has any prohibited missles. "They have been destroyed," he says. But, that saber sure looks erect, if you know what I mean!
Tuesday, February 25, 2003
Well, OK, Then. Let's Just Get It On!
Undersecretary of State John Bolton says that war with Iraq is inevitable, and that the decision has been made. Now, it's just a matter of the UN Security Council going along (to prove its relevance) or not. At least the honesty is refreshing!
Saddam vs. George, the Debate
Saddam Hussein has challenged W to a debate about the impending war. He made the challenge in an interview with Dan Rather. Imagine the two of them at podiums with headphones for the translation:
Saddam: The great Iraqi people will destroy your cowardly soldiers.
W: Yeah, just like the first time, huh? Your great army couldn't surrender fast enough! Some army!
Saddam: I still in power, your daddy can only jump from airplanes now...you son of dog!
W: You pussy rag-head Arabs are always talking tough, but look at your track record. You get thrashed every time you start to fight...your mother is a sow!
Saddam: I spit on your drunken whore daughter who has sister from same litter.
W: I will send my wife to fight your wife anytime...you homo!
Hmm...maybe on second thought, they should just battle it out.
North Korea Ejaculates for Colin Powell
North Korea fired an earth-to-air missle that landed in the ocean between Korea and Japan. South Korea was inaugurating a new president and Colin Powell was in Seoul for the event. The North was just trying to impress Colin. Move them to the top of the list!
Monday, February 24, 2003
